User blog:THEJJRAT/Last ones
Kkmm One day Donald Trump was pickling a can of soup. "whardya doin" asked Spongegar. "I'm skiing" replied Donald. "cool beas" said Doing what before shoving a dildo up his boktyhoke. "what"asked donal. "love me dotnal" "give your love to my bootyhole" skked doing rbwar. "yes" said Donald who proceed to succ. "Mmm yes papi" said denial poop. "fuck me hard in the ass like a good handyman" replies Tom Cruise. "oh yeah daddy" says Captain America who was shoving his cock into a cheeseburger the hot melty cheese giving Gina him a wild sensation of plwasure This is what Father had wrote so far in his official biography, that he was publishing on tuesday. "Well, time for bed..." he said, yawning, pulling the little thing on the lamp that turned it off and spraying his pillows with some rat piss to burn the lice eggs off his head. He wished himself good night, and feel into a deep slumber... That is until he wakes up and feels strange activities going down in the underoos. He turned on the lights and saw Saryn Prime riding back in forth on his peepee. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Father screamed and bashed the lamp through her skull, the warframe instantly became unconscious and fell off the side of the bed. This also snapped Father's meat in half. He didn't notice thus as he was 2 spooped. He made a new lamp out of nose hairs and turned it off, security guards sneaking in and dragging her body for "containment". He dosed off again, dreaming of ponies and rats having an adventure in candy land. However, they return to their senses and kill themselves. Father frowned in his sleep. Suddenly, List of creatures A female from warframe The ghost people from fallout Each time he turns the light on a new creature appears I need help naming (naming characters are the bane of my existence) a silent mutie from the Sierra Madre, who volunteered to building the Villa after being fired for his inturn job at Vault Tec. He is slightly smarter than his brothers, as he retained some of his intelligence after he turned. A short blurb on Ghost People (his species): Kkk Father was collecting dead rats in the kitchen, as the KFC was not very sanitary. He collected two cans of rats, and placed them on a counter. He grabbed one and poured them into a pressure cooker, before turning around and discovering that the rats are gone. Somebody had stole them! He knew who to call.... "Hi, I'm Charles Stiles of Mystery Diners. Kkk harry potter was floating inside of His penis, doing the utmost flying. "minion is very funi" harry said. "I request you to stop speaking at once, moist tobacco rolled in paper and or a bundle of curved wooden objects known as sticks." He said. "ok" harry said. he then floated the ding dongus out of there. Kk Donald trump bowed down to His feet. "feed me master" "ok" He says, and grabs three mothers who were trying to calm their children away. "Mommy come back!" they yelled. He squished the organs and blood of the motherts into a taco chell and gave it to Donald, the children screaming. "Thank you, Lord." Kkk guy fieri bowed to his Lord. "Lord, may I have my pain released?" "No, my child." said Him and tore off guy's soft and sensitive balls, making him scream in agony and spit out blood. He laughed, dropping a nuclear bomb on his son, Hunter Fieri. "NO!" guy said and tried to kill Him. that didnt work Kkkk Twas' a hot summer day, sweat shimmering off Johnny Toast's forehead, as he was raking leaves in his backyard. Ghost was standing next to him, staring at him. "Johnny, what are you doing?" he asks with the utmost piss. "I'm raking the leaves, sir." "But why are you doing it?" "Because the Government is telling everyone to rake leaves because of a zombie virus that spread through leaves." Ghost didn't believe this, and whacked Johnny with a crowbar. "OW WHAT THE FUCK JOHNNY" Toast screamed as he grabbed the gaping hole in his head, which had blood gushing from it. "I know you are a ghost in disguise." Ghost says and continues whacking Toast. Toast grabs slaps the bar out of his hand and grabs his arm, throwing him to the side and then snapping his arm with his elbow. Ghost screamed in agony, before Toast jabbed the flattened point of the crowbar through Ghost's skull. Ghost was now dead, his before living body now an corpse.. Toast spit on his corpse and dragged his body to a nearby dumpster and dropped him inside. He then poured gasoline on his carcass and threw a lit match inside, his body lighting on fire. He then walked away, as if it never happened. Shrek reached inside of the dumpster and grabbed Toast during his daily dumpster dive, and decided to revive him so he can be his new sex slave. Toast then fell to the ground and vomited spaghetti. "oshit" screamed Toast as he possessed by a ghost spaghetti. Toast began shaking uncontrollably as the spaghetti coursed through his veins. "I SHALL MAKE YOU MY SPAGHETTI SLAVE" said the Spaghetti Ghost. "NEVER" screamed Toast and he fought it, crawling away from the spaghetti. "YOU CAN NOT RUN AWAY" "GET OUT OF MY HEAD" he screamed and stabbed the spaghetti. "YOU NEED THE SPAGHETTI" "FUCK OFF" he screamed as he fucked the spaghetti. "NO STOP YOU BETTER NEVER LET IT GO GO" the Spaghetti Ghost said as it crawled around Toast's body and held him back. "YOU WILL FEEL THE SPAGHETTI" the Spaghetti said as it crawled into his mouth. happy not Halloween Image is from Bailey Main on Instagram I might make a real special when Halloween is actually a thing Kkkk uncle carl Soldiers taking cover and reloading, medics scrambling to check the pulses of corpses, blood tainting the floors and walls, and unknown intruders opening fire at guards and innocent staff. "Fucking hell, somebody get the Teslas in here!" a general who was falling back yelled. Suddenly, MTF-Nine Tailed Fox units teleported to the basement via magic sandwich when they heard the Poopers were under attack. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leopold_II_of_Belgium inpc_cleanup 0. https://im1.ibsearch.xxx/resize/4/78/826ad42228a38039318522c6ad217.jpg?width=1600&height=1400 Kkkk Father was eating a bowl of piping hot ramen while watching football on the couch with Adrian Shepard and Gordon Freeman. This year was the New York Pizza Butts vs the Butt In Burg Riots, and New York Pizza Butts had the highest score of the century. Suddenly, a Butt In Burg Riot scored a touchdown. "yEAH" Father screeched and flapped his air in the arms while having a seizure. This spilled the hot ramen, and it got onto Gordon's pants. He opened his mouth to scream in agony, but nothing came out. Adrian looked at Gordon before realizing what had happened, smacking Gordon's leg with a bandage. This had healed him, although there was still a gaping hole of crispy flesh in his leg. Father had realized what happened and apologized, and went to get some new ramen. Suddenly, the TV snapped to an emergency broadcast warning of a "sharknado" heading towards town. At another distant place... "Or perhaps he's wondering why one would shoot a man, before dropping him off a plane." a person who had a sack over his head said. The CIA agent pulled off the sack, revealing a teenager in a black Robin mask with cat ears. "If I take off that mask, will you die?" "It would be extremely kawaii." said the cat suited boi. "mom's spaghetti" said Woody, who, in a T-pose, expanded his mouth and ate everyone, everybody screaming. The cat person had escaped however via jetpack. He had landed at his school, where some girl dressed in a ladybug costume smacked a cheese monstah. "Oh Adrien" the bug woman (this autocorrected to big woman) said and hugged the cat guy. "o hello bb" he said in a monotone voice while hugging ladywoman as a plane crashed in the background, everyone screaming and running away while paramedics arrived to save citizens who dun got exploded. "I must go" he said. "why honey bunch" "because I have work to do, in another land" "ok be save bunches of honey oats" "ok" The cat person then extended his arms and flew into the air, to be seen again later. Meanwhile... Spiderman and himself from Earth-11714 were patrolling the streets of Butt-In-Burg, both wielding AK-47s that shot webbing. "So, how's the kids?" Peter asked other Peter. "Oh, they're alright. Almost got eaten when Galactus tried to turn our universe into a sandwich, though." other Peter said. "Must be one hell of a sandwich" Peter said, chuckling. "what" asked other Spidey before a black van appears up the road and crashes into a light pole. They both looked at each other and nodded, before webbing themselves to the van and helping the driver. "HI I'M CAT NOIR" the driver, who was a teenager in a gay ass latex suit with cat ears and tail and bells, introduced himself to the Spidermen as he caughed because of the smoke coming from the car. Peter was confused for a moment, but shot a web at him and threw him out, jumping off the van before it exploded. "Why the fuck is a kid driving?" other Peter asked. "I got a license!" he protests. "Lemme see it." Peter asked, the latex fetish neko handing him a slip of paper. "This is a fishing license." "Close enough" Cat Noir says before running off. "I think we should call the cops on his parents" "same fam" At a local Donald Trump... "Hello everybody we're doin' threefur Mc'Deefer here, in the world of Fallout." the infamous Alchestbreach of Earth-2990102993-B said, wielding a special AK-47 forged by the Nexus Modders. "And today we're revi-is that a fuckin neko" Al asks, walking towards the cat boi. "I HAVE TRAVELED TO THIS REALM ON ACCIDENT" says Cat Noir. "What" Al asks. Suddenly, Steve shakes his radroach ass. "yeah, Steve, distract 'em with your ass" says Al, Steve's ass shaking teleporting Cat Noir back to Earth-420. At a local McDonald's... Johnny Ghost yawned, leaning against the counter before whipping out his phone, playing Agar.io. It was a slow day, only a few people were eating there. Probably because everyone was preparing for the sharknado, however. And there was this one old man who would try to make a mix of sodas with the soda machine thing stuck to the wall and then complained about the soda being radioactive or something and demanding a free meal. Suddenly, a teen in a cat suit enters through the sliding door and approaches the counter. "Aren't you a little too young to be a pornstar?" Ghost asks, in reference to his catsuit. "I come from japan" says Cat. "Oh" Ghost says. "Well, welcome to MickyDees, may I take your order?" asks Ghost. "May I have a mighty kids meal with extra pickles?" he asks. "We're all outta pickles." says Ghost. "oh ok" Cat Noir says and suddenly falls to his knees and starts chanting strange words, his eyes glowing. "Is that kid daddy dickin' the cashier to Satan?!" an old man who was eating a bowl of french fries asks. "what" asks an old lady next to him. Suddenly, a being grew from the ground, leaving a large black stain on the floor. The figure was pitch black, it's arms were morphed together, it's eyes were stitched out, and he was making disturbing moaning noises and a few "kill me"s. "What the flying ass?" asks Johnny, who was mentally disturbed by this. The figure then slowly pushed out slices of pickles out of it's rectum, sounding like it was in pain. "Good boy, Bobbie Joe." says Cat Noir who pets the crusty figure. "Alright, this is P.I.E! Hands in the fucking air!" Johnny says, whipping out a revolver and keeping it locked onto the kid while he called for backup. At P.I.E headquarters.... Johnny Ghost had contained the being within stasis, and had froze the anus pickles and stuck them in storage. Toast was in with Cat Noir, trying to get info out of him. "Okay, the jigs up. How did you summon that creature?" asks Toast, threatening the neko suited presumed pedophile with a spray bottle. "My dad tought me about it!" he claimed. "That's what they all say." said Toast, spraying the bottle in the air, the contents slowly raining down on the two. "OH GOD PLS NO" screamed the smol cat claimed and coughed up a hairball. This had rustled his jimmies. Toast, however, showed no sighs of mercy and shot more water into his face. He screamed and flailed his entire body around like an autist on cocaine. "WHY DID YOU SUMMON SUCH DEMENTED CREATURES" screamed Toast. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT" screamed Cat Noir as he begged for mercy. "WHY DO YOU THINK YOU DESERVE MERCY" asked Toast. "BECAUSE IM THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS" Cat Noir claimed. "oh" Toast said and let him out. "TOAST WHAT THE SHIT" asked Ghost, furious. "HE SAID HE WAS JESUS" "OH.". At a local KFC.... Shrek was eating a double bacon supreme while Deadpool cooked meth in the kitchen. "SUPER PATTY SUPREME" screamed SpongeBob who pulled out an AK-47 and began shooting up the place. "ALLAHU SPONGEBAR" SpongeBob screamed before being hit in the nuts by Shrek and his big sexy fists. Cat Noir appeared and kicked the sea sponge in the eyes. Spiderman appeared and pissed on em'. Offenderman appeared and molested him. Supernan appeared and shot at him with heat vision. Batman appeared and took a big fat shit glob on Spongey. Bill Cosby appeared and raped him. Anne Frank appeared and slapped him. Sponge begged for mercy, but he was given none. At a local 7/11... Big Fat, a man who ate chicken livers, armed the counter of the 7/11. "I love me some chicken livers." Big Fat said, pulling some chicken livers out of his pocket and swallowing it. Suddenly, Cat Noir entered the store. "Hello human, I am a superhero! How may I assist you? Are there any villains here?" asked Noir. "The only villain here is your fashion choices bitch boy" said Big Fat. "That must mean Dark Cupid shot you!" said Cat Noir who shot Big Fat in the brain. The amount of chicken livers piled up in there had caught the bullet, letting Big Fat pull out an AK-47 and open fire. Cat Noir dodged every bullet with extreme agility. Suddenly, Dark Cupid appeared and stabbed Big Fat in the anus. He then hated chicken livers and ran away. This left them mano-a-mano. Cat leaped at Cupid, but Cupid gave him a cheeseburger. Cat accepted this peace offering and ate upon the burger, but the burger became a monster. As Cat Noir fought it, the Spidermen entered the store and opened fire at Dark Cupid, taking him to prison while he was covered in webs. At the Pooper household... Father had finished boarding up the windows, as the rest of the family packed up stuff for the basement. They were preparing for the sharknado. "Thanks for letting me stay here pops." said Spiderman from Earth-312500, who entered home along with Batman, Alan Wake, Deadpool from Earth-14031, and Doctor Fate. They tried to get as many people inside as possible, as the sharknado was sure to wipe out hundreds. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Father opened it, to see Cat Noir and his father, Félix. "HELLO CITIZEN, I AM A SUPERHERO. IS THERE ANY VILLAINS THAT ARE IN NEED OF GETTING A BOOTY SMACKIN'?" asked Cat Noir. "Well, there's Scourge, but he's pretty chill." Father said. "WELL DO YOU WANT ANY EXTRA FIRE POWER FOR THE NADO OF SHARKS?!" asked Cat Noir. Father thought for a bit, looking back at both baby Noir and adult Noir. "I'll take Felix." Father said and grabbed the adult Noir and pulled him in. "YOU FORGOT THE É-" Father slammed the door, leaving babu noir to get eaten by sharks. Kkkkk Everyone was in the bunker, which was located in the backyard, accessible via metal hatch. Spiderman 1# (Earth-312500) was sitting on a metal matress, having to share seats with a skeleton as the shelter hasn't been used for forty years. "Why can't we stay at the basement?" asked Spidey. "Because that is reserved for guards, test subjects, scientists, and basically everyone who works down there." Father said, who was brushing his teeth with a strange black paste he found in a jar, using a toothbrush he found in his pocket, along with a bottle of whiskey and a fishbowl as a sink. Spiderman groaned with the force of a seven seas. "Atleast it's not raining." said Batman. "Damn Sharknado, I wanted to fuck Tali but no" Commander Shepard growled. Tali had been seperated from him, staying in a separate shelter with... Garrus. That sexy beast was bound to get laid by his girlfriend, no woman can resist that sexy voice and badassery. "is k I once put a pickle on my thigh and let it bounce but it got lodged down my throat and I choked and died" Omega 7 fatty acids attacks Introduce toe by Spodermen Kkkkkk It was the year 3678. Humans had gone extinct fifteen years ago, upon evolving into a new species. Homobluescluesiens, we call them. They are much like us, except blue. They also have red penises, which can become burning to the touch at will. This is used to warm up and start fires for cooking, or charging phones. Their brains are made of skatole turned into a gummy form, using a template of the cheezit commerical guy's brain as a template. They can also ejaculate gold, silver, platinum, uranium, plutonium, molten lava, and stringy cheese at will, being able to change between substances. They reproduce by smacking a female's ass twenty times and then shooting them, which creates a baby. Anyway, enough of this dumbass biology science doodles. After the humans died off, the blues (yes that's their dumbass name) had much information that their human forefathers taught them, such as how to make Zaxby's fried chicken and how to install Garry's Mod addons. They used this information to clone Donald Trump, making him president of the entire planet. After hundreds of years of perfecting the hotdog recipe, they had built a time machine. They were going to use it to travel to another universe with humans. For no reason. They were originally going to stop humans from going extinct, though that would involve mass genocide of their own species. When Trump was led to the time travel machine to enter the new realm, a strange creature had dug itself out of the ground. It had eaten Trump! Jojo, one of the blues, pulled out an AK-47 that shoots dog bootyholes at the worm like being. It screeched and shot Jojo in the arm. After about six seconds, they realized that this was a Sausage. Before the humans died off, they had created an entire species of sausages that were alive. They had colonies under the ground, and were trying to stop their prey from leaving. Rib Bones pulled out a dagger and threw it at the mutant breakfast food product, Booty Nob trying to place a C4 onto it. However, it stopped them and had gay booty sex with both. Trump was now inside of the sausage, waving around a torch. He had found the skeleton of his old self, due to the wig. He fell to knees and screamed. Suddenly, a mortar shot out a nuclear warhead towards the sausage. It swallowed the bomb, Trump dodging it on the way in. There was no way to stop it. Booty Nop, Rib Bones, and Jojo huddled up into a corner and cried. They were going to die. Their children were never going to see them again. Suddenly, Donald had an idea. He traveled down the sausage and found it's penis organ. He then slapped it. This made the sausage become straight, so it went underground to "mate" if ye know what am sayin. Trump had jumped out of the mouth during this. Everyone cheered as they left in the machine. Moments after the machine left, the nuke went off and killed every single living being on the planet. They were now on Earth-420. KkkkkkK Japan, 2012 "Kohta, you're a brief dream that suddenly appeared infront of me in this hell. Only those day-" the pink haired girl sitting beside the average brown haired anime guy suddenly went limp after Father Pooper unloaded his Glock 17 bag into her head. "Fucking...Murdering bitch!" he yelled as he dun turned her brains into mashed taters. At this point, the brown haired guy had already ran away. After releasing anger on the gril, he pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled off the name Lucy. He killed staou Kkkk Father Pooper was in the kitchen, cooking a good pasta meal. He added some basil into the mix and slapped the pan, which seared his hand but also cooked the noodles with powers unlike that of shrimp. He did scream and fall, though, becoming a slice of cheese. Josh, who was ready to get an ice cold cola, found the cheese and thought it was regular cheese. He put it in his cheeseburger and ate him. "NOOOOOOOO" screamed Father as he was sent down Josh's mouth hole. He turned human during this, and was now in his belleh. "hello" said Julius Caesar, who had traveled to his stomach via flying carpet. "WHY ARE YOU SMALL" asked Father, curious as to why this event was taking place. "to check up on my soup" Caesar replied, who then opened a door on the fleshy wall to reveal his soup factory. Millions of legionaries worked day and night to produce the finest of soups. "Why do you have a soup factory in my son's body?" asked Father. "Because nobody expects it. The soup business is serious work, if your competitor learns your soup source, they send evil robot terminators to blow it up." "Yeah, and what if they blow up my son?" "Idk" Caesar replied. Father was frustrated. All he wanted was a pasta meal and now he's stranded in his son's body with Julius Caesar. He then punches a soup can. "fus ro dah" the can said and exploded Father. "ow" he said, exploding. "oh no" Caesar said. He fell to his knees and cried out, with the force of a seven seas. Suddenly, Father came back to life but was a deep dish pizza. "pizza pizza" Caesar said and ate him. "NOOOOOOOOO" Father said as he fell down Caesar's mouth hole. He was now in his lungs. "why am I in his lungs" he asked himself. He then found that his lungs were bigger on the inside. Literally, they were huge. "Hi" Vercingetorix said, who was cooking a deep dish pizza. "who is" asked Father. "am Vercingetorix" Vercingetorix replied. "am viking" he said. Suddenly, Niccolò Machiavelli. "hello am broccoli macaroni" he said, cooking some macaroni and cheese. "how dare you" asked Vercingwhatchacallit, who then slapped him. "the power of political science compels you" he says, slapping Vercinge. "ow" he replied, becoming the shape of Russia. "Commie" Father replied, eating the country shaped man. "this was bad idea" Russian Viking country man said, as he began to emerge from Father's chest xenomorph style. "oof that hurt" father said. The country then evolved into a dancing shrimp. "enough of this madness" Niccoló said, who then used the powers of the Locos Tacos to banish him. "teach me senpai" asked Father. "Will you give me the deep dish pizza?" Broccoli asked. Father gave him the coffee. "NO I DONT WANT THAT" Broccoli screeched, his eyes turning red and become a png image that was shaking and then ate Father. He was now in three bodies at once. "NOOOOO" Father screamed, falling down the mouth hole of Broccoli. "my lord" he replied, upon seeing the great Dorito Flavored Taco floating floating in Broccoli's body. "It is I taco man" he says. "why did you trap you here" he asks. "idk" he replies. Father was enraged, he was eaten by his own son, eaten by Julius Caesar himself, eaten by some ancient polictian, and has now found that the Great Taco has been imprisoned. "I must save you" he says. He HAD to make a plan to break him out of his fleshy prison. A lightbulb appeared above his head. He shouted "SPAGHETTI" and spinned, before dabbing and vomiting a diamond. This made Alton Brown appear. "Alton, we must release this creature." "nah" he says and vanishes. "darn" Father mutters. He knew what he had to do now. He summons Shrek via offering him an onion. "Who dares interrupt the Ogrelord at his morning Zaxby's snack, laddeh?" the green floating ogre asks. "O' ogrelord, please, release The Taco. I beg of you, I will give you my entire onion collection" he begs. "and wai shud ay" he asks. "because his great taconess shouldn't be in this evil place" he replies. "Alright laddeh, but you'll have to give me every toilet in yer house." "Why" "what laddeh" "I mean a lot of nonsensical things happen in this universe every millisecond but why do you want every toilet in my house" "You DARE question the OGRELORD?! I am deathly allergic to soup and therefore need toilets! Time to die!" Shrek says, shooting onion bombs at Father. "BUT I LITERALLY SAVED YOU AND THE UNIVERSE MILLIONS OF TIMES" Father argued. "NO" Shrek denies this fact. Father runs behind the heart, Shrek firing onion bombs at it. "What" the heart says, looking around. "shrek" it says, spotting the ogre. It then detaches itself and beats Shrek in the face. "OW" Shrek screamed in agony. Father then farted and teleported to Josh's stomach soup factory. "huh I forgot I could do this" he remarks, stealing a bowl of soup. Before Caesar could arrest him, he farts and appears infront of Shrek, who had just defeated the heart. "WHUH" Shrek screamed in fear, turning around and seeing the bowl. "Lights out" Father said and pours the soup on Shrek. He screams in agony, being covered in soup. He then melts into a puddle of shrek. As nobody wants to kill Shrek, and the universe will explode if he dies, Father put his melted shrek into a jar and farts, now back in the house. He then puts the jar in the microwave, Shrek being resurrected and flying into the sky. "JOSH" Father screamed. "what" he asked, stuffing a hotdog into his mouth while watching football in the living room. "YOU ATE ME I WAS THE CHEESE ON THE FLOOR" "huh" Josh said, returning to his show. "It did taste weird.." he muttered, taking a bite out of the hotdog that was actually Mother Pooper. Father then realized he forgot the taco, and stormed out of the house to find his TARDIS. Kkkk Three men sat at a fireplace, one sitting on a log of wood, playing his guitar. He was a vault hunter, came to this planet to X. The two others mumbled to each other (and screamed every once and a while) while banging pots and pans together. They were trying to cook a dead skag, but that wasn't going to happen. The man playing guitar found himself staring at the two idiots, so he put laid the instrument up against the log and watched them. "LOOK AT ME, MA', I'M COOKIN' MEAT SAUSAGE" one of them yelled, kicking the pot across the field. "I'M GONNA POOP THAT CONSIDERED COW LEASH" the other screamed, scrambling after the pot. The guy who kicked it just stood and chuckled to himself. Suddenly, three large spiders came at full very high speed. "HOLY FUCK LASAGNA" the one running after the pot screamed. He pulled out a dildo and killed them to death. "YOU LOOK LIKE MY DAUGHTER" he screamed, fucking the spider's eyeballs with a rock."I must be a fucking saint for letting these two live.." he asked himself, getting off the log and picking up his guitar. He sighed and whistled for the two bandits, the two instantly turning around and tumbling over each other. He smirked, and threw the guitar onto the buggy and hopped into the driver's seat, waiting for the psychos (literally) to get in. He picked up a map that was sitting on the seat beside him, and observed it. "Think we'll ever get to the Vault?" he asked to a framed picture of a little girl on the dashboard. "Yeah, me too." he said a few seconds later, shoving the map into the globe department. By this time, the two bandits had already jumped onto the top of the buggy and started hitting and smacking it. "Knock it off, you two." "Ahhhhh, mooooom!" one of them whined, climbing under the roof and hopping into the back seat. "papa spaghetti" the other said and teleported to his seat for no reason. "Okay, I haven't named y'all yet. What should it be?" "NIPPLE SALAD" the one on the left asked. "NO ZESTY TACO MEATS" the one on the right suggested. "Hold yer horses, fellas. I'm making the names around here." "Awww..." The driver then sat and thought of names, rubbing his beard. "Bandit on left, you're Zesty Taco Meats. Bandit on right, you're Angst." "WHY DOES HE GET TO BE ZESTY TACO MEATS AND NOT ME?!" Angst screeched in protest. "because ay sayd so" replied the driver. He then started up the car, driving off in the sandy wasteland of Pandora. However, he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the noise that haunted him for the last six years of his life. Vworp, vworp, vworp, vworp, vworp, vworp.... July 4, 1187, Battle of Hattin The injured Templar soldier laid against a rock, blood gushing from a stab wound on his chest plate. He watched as his brothers were slaughtered in battle, hundreds of lives sent to their deaths because of humanity's habit of spilling blood. The Muslim approached him, scimitar in hand. The knight let out a final breathe of air, accepting his fate. Maybe he would wake up in Heaven, alongside the deity so many had died for. He closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable. After a few moments, he noticed how long this was taking. Did the soldier feel remorse, was he mentally retarded, did God decide to kill all of them with his big meaty hands, or was he already dead? He opened his eyes, and saw two shirtless men wearing strange masks beating on the corpse of the dead Muslim. With fucking buzz saws. This is... not what he expected angels to look like. "Come on, he's had enough. If you do it any longer, someone might see and the timeline will get fucked and we'll have to do some Back to the Future shit." a voice out of the knight's sight said, the two men In a place "SPAGHETTI" screamed Charles Hoyt as he drop kicked Jane Rizzoli in the chestnuts. "ARUGA" she screamed in pain. "hah bitch" he replied and fell to the ground. "Oh no my knife" he said and began to sob, his precious knife gone. "time to die" said Jane as she prepared to grab the knife and stab him, but was suddenly drop kicked. She was then grabbed by a person and had her skull bashed into the floor while said person screamed various sayings about nipples. "settle down there she's important for the timeline" Father said, Zesty haulting his assault. "BOOYAH BITCH" said Korsak as he shot at Rod Mason, Hoyt's apprentice. "YOO BAH OITCH" screamed Frieza as he shot at Korsak with his laser eyes. "MY LEG" Korsak screamed, his leg chopped off by the laser. In a galaxy far, far away.... "HEY FRIEZA" Trunks screamed, doing some wacky shit with his hands. "WHAT" asked Frieza. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Trunk a screamed as he slo mo ninja jumped at Frieza. "AHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO MOVE BUT I DON'T AHHHHHHHHHH" Frieza screams in terror. Suddenly, Father Pooper appears and shoots Trunks and steals Frieza. "what" King Cold asked himself. _____ "This, my friends, is a heist." Father said, laying out the orange map of the bank onto the table. "A bank? You gathered us to rob a bank?" Now, this ain't your ordinary hoopty-doopty shooty snooty robbery, this is a robbery on the most secure bank in the universe." improve http://www.shamchat.com/7bbfb2d5/ gurkhas knights of the templar jack sparrow tejarat bank Research Hoyt and freizas personality Anglo zulu war Papa Seno Kkkkk Name: Father Pooper Age: i still cant decide (aka old) Social status: a lot things (time traveler, McDonalds cashier, criminal, slaver, spaghetti chef etc) Role in story: Main character Powers/abilities: He can shoot cheese out of his wrists, his penis has it's own entire arsenal, he can come back to life for no reason, and he can cook alien spaghetti Weapon: His trusted companion, Booty Bum, who is a talking Remington 870. Appearance: He's black, has a goatee, (sometimes) the giant brown ball hairstyle that I forget the name of, an SCP Foundation tattoo after losing a bet, and things Species: (probably) human Personality: "WHAT IS A CHICKEN" asks Father Pooper to Adolf Hitler. "It is a very good pasta meal." he replies. "NO IT IS OYUR MOTHER" Hobbies/skills: He collects various treasures within his basement (that is somehow four times the size of planet Earth and Venus combined into one spaghetti sandwich), he worked at Freddy Fazbear's pizza before nuking it from orbit, he hangs out with Indiana Jones and Batman, and he travels across universes and dimensions in search of money and things that can get him money. Background: He is apart of a family originating from the dawn of time (that fucked with history so much if they ceased to exist the entire universe would implode). No one knows where exactly he came from, but he did move to Butt-In-Burg and married Mother Pooper, thus joining the anomaly in family form. Since then, he has built an entire basement/dungeon that serves as the collective inventory for the entire family, became mayor of Butt-In-Burg (and Lazytown) twice, caused a few time paradoxes, and alot of stuff I don't remember or don't have time to write. Fun fact: in his high school years, he dated future president Barack Obama. He also dated both Mr. House from the Fallout universe and future president Donald Trump, giving birth to a malformed Trump-House hybrid at that time. Category:Blog posts